I’m not rude, just direct!

It’s a situation many of us hard-charging business leaders find ourselves in. We often believe that being blunt and straightforward is the key to getting things done, but let me tell you, it can backfire, and here’s why.

The Illusion of Directness

Picture this: you’re in a high-pressure corporate environment, juggling deadlines, budgets, and ambitious goals. In the pursuit of excellence, you may find yourself dispensing orders and feedback with an iron fist, thinking it’s the most efficient way to navigate the business world. You’re being “direct” because you believe that’s what leadership demands, right? You don’t mean to be rude, but come on, they need to get after it and do a better job! You know you have “told” them everything they need to do, and for some reason, they ain’t doing it. You’re cutting, but they ain’t bleeding!

Well, here’s the catch – there’s a fine line between being direct and being plain rude. Often, our quest for efficiency can lead us down a path where our words unintentionally hurt, demotivate, or even alienate our employees. And that, my friends, is not the recipe for a thriving workplace.

Let me share a recent encounter with a client that illustrates this in the real world.

The Mike Story

I was visiting a client who was struggling with one of their direct reports, named Mike. An employee who’s not quite hitting the mark. We’ve all been there, right? But here’s the catch, my friends: the company president and COO are totally frustrated, and Mike’s poor performance was causing all kinds of customer issues and additional costs. They’re using a pretty direct approach, let’s call it “The Wall Banger Method.” The President and COO are both High “Ds” on the DISC profile, and “D” stands for Direct, Demanding, Disagreeable and Dominate.

Mike is taking forever to get things done. Many days, he is “Forgetting” to perform an essential task that they know he knows how to do it; he just forgets to do it. This is in a variety of duties and inconsistent.  And when he finally does, there are more mistakes than you can shake a stick at. It’s like a merry-go-round of blunders. You know what I mean, right?

But here’s where it gets interesting. Mike, who used to be attentive and diligent, has morphed into a distant, almost checked-out version of himself. He used to jot down notes during meetings, but now? Not a peep. He’s like a ghost in the office.

The history is that they over-promoted Mike into a role he does not have the competency for. Not that he can’t, but he currently does not. They have given Mike not only his old job of purchasing but now he also has the job of overseeing receiving and inventory. Made sense at the time.

Mike was bought in, and he felt like he could do it. So, they gave him a raise and another job and threw him into the deep end. Swim boy! Mike was not swimming he was drowning and drowning because he did not have the current capacity to do both jobs and nowhere along the line did the company provide him with any discussion or training to strategize how he was to manage his time with both roles. No idea of how to prioritize, and Mike was fighting fires and interruptions all day, every day and going down in the deep end.

Now, The Wall Banger Method, let me tell you, it’s not quite cutting it. The company bigwigs they’re just making things worse. It’s like trying to fix a leaky faucet by smashing it with a sledgehammer – ineffective and noisy.

I mean, seriously, the president and COO are giving Mike a good ol’ dressing down, telling him what to do, how to do it, and why he’s a total failure. They’re doing it directly, no sugarcoating. But guess what? It’s not working. Not one bit. It’s getting worse at best!

You see, when you take that hammer to someone’s self-esteem, even if you don’t realize it, you’re sending them into a protective shell. It’s like the “wah wah wah” sound from a Peanuts character’s parents. All Mike hears is noise. He’s not listening anymore; he’s just blocking them out.

Now, here is where I come in. I discuss what is happening from my view and why the way they are approaching Mike is having no effect on his improvement. My duty is to make sure the bosses realize that The Wall Banger Method isn’t cutting it. It’s time for a change in them and their approach, a transformation if you will. Instead of pounding that wall, I stress that they must decide to empathize, simplify, and succeed. Instead of being an attacking force on Mikes’s ego they are going to be Mike’s guiding light out of the darkness.

They must start by talking to Mike in a way that doesn’t make him feel attacked. No more “wah wah wah.” Take it down a notch and think in terms of how Mike is hearing them, not what they are saying. It is critical to adopt a non-threatening demeanor, showing empathy and support. They must ask open-ended questions, creating a safe space for him to express himself. They must have some patience and take a much more effective approach. The biggest problem with communication is the allusion that you are being heard.

Now, the bosses must take on the role of coach for Mike to find his own solutions to take ownership of his work. They must OWN their part of this situation. They must admit that this is all due to them, not due to Mike. When a leader gets there, you are on the path to glory, believe me.

There are no bad teams. There are only bad bosses! It’s not about telling him what to do anymore; it’s about helping him discover what he needs to do. You’re not the all-knowing guru; you’re his partner in progress.

I took extra time to bring Mike in and model the approach I’m encouraging the bosses to take. One to see how it works and how easy it is, too. It can be very direct but in a non-threatening manner.  It requires thought and patience. And in doing so we must always embrace that it takes discipline and commitment to making the change.  Truth is, they are both really smart, but we don’t know what we don’t know. I have to raise their competency in order for them to raise Mike’s competency.

If we commit to making the change and then practice the change, it will be far less difficult. In fact, studies show that once you have performed a new leadership approach 20 times, you are over the hump of difficulty.

And guess what? To make a longer story short, It worked. Slowly but surely, Mike starts to come out of his shell. He’s more engaged, more willing to listen, and more motivated to improve. It’s like a breath of fresh air in the office.

In the end, you as a leader must not only help Mike find his way back, but you also must develop a better way. Deploying empathy and support can achieve what The Wall Banger Method never could.

So, my friends, the lesson here is simple: when you’re dealing with a struggling team member, don’t be a “wah wah wah” Peanuts character parent. Be a coach, a guide, and a partner in their journey to success. It’s not about banging your head against the wall; it’s about simplifying, empathizing, and ultimately succeeding – for everyone’s benefit.

Now, we’re going to dive deep into this common leadership challenge – communication. Specifically, the age-old conundrum of being too direct, even when you don’t mean to. It’s a situation many of us hard-charging business leaders find ourselves in. We often believe that being blunt and straightforward is the key to getting things done, but let me tell you, it can backfire, and here’s why.

The Illusion of Directness

Picture this: you’re in a high-pressure corporate environment, juggling deadlines, budgets, and ambitious goals. In the pursuit of excellence, you may find yourself dispensing orders and feedback with an iron fist, thinking it’s the most efficient way to navigate the business world. You’re being “direct” because you believe that’s what leadership demands, right?

Well, here’s the catch – there’s a fine line between being direct and being plain rude. Often, our quest for efficiency can lead us down a path where our words unintentionally hurt, demotivate, or even alienate our employees. And that, my friends, is not the recipe for a thriving workplace.

Enter Empathy and DISC Profiles

Now, let’s talk about a solution – one that involves empathy and understanding your employees better through the DISC profile system. It’s a powerful combination that can revolutionize your leadership style and transform your team’s performance.

Empathy is the secret sauce of effective communication. It’s about putting yourself in your employee’s shoes and genuinely understanding their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. It’s not about being soft or compromising your authority; it’s about humanizing your leadership style.

The DISC profile system, on the other hand, offers a structured way to assess your employees’ personalities and communication preferences. It categorizes individuals into four primary behavioral styles: Dominance (D), Influence (I), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C). Understanding these profiles can help you tailor your communication to better connect with each team member.

Adapting Your Communication Style

So, how can you make this shift towards a more empathetic and DISC-profile-aware communication style?

Listen Actively: Start by actively listening to your employees. Pay attention to their concerns, ideas, and feedback without immediately jumping in with your solutions or judgments.

Adapt to DISC Profiles: Once you’ve assessed your team members’ DISC profiles, adjust your approach accordingly. For example, if you’re dealing with someone who falls into the “High S” category (Steadiness), take a softer tone, offer reassurance, and provide clear step-by-step instructions.

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of issuing orders, engage your team with open-ended questions that encourage them to think and share their insights. This approach fosters collaboration and makes employees feel valued. Develop their critical thinking skills.

Provide Constructive Feedback: When offering feedback or criticism, use the “sandwich” method – start with a positive note, address the issue, and end on an encouraging note. This way, you maintain respect and build trust.

Offer Support and Coaching: Show that you’re there to help your employees succeed, not just to point out their mistakes. Coach them through challenges and encourage them to find solutions on their own.

By incorporating empathy and the DISC profile system into your leadership approach, you can create a more supportive, collaborative, and motivating work environment. Your team members will appreciate your efforts to connect with them on a personal level, and you’ll see improved performance as a result.

To sum it up, while there are times when being direct and straightforward can be effective, it’s crucial to acknowledge that our employees are unique individuals with their own communication preferences. By integrating empathy and the insights from DISC profiles, business leaders can flex their communication style to align with their team’s specific needs. It may demand some patience and effort to make this change but trust me, the outcomes are incredibly rewarding.

One of these rewards? A more engaged and productive workforce, just to name one. So, the next time you feel the urge to unleash your inner drill sergeant and be overly blunt, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that a little empathy can work wonders. Your team will thank you, and so will your organization’s bottom line.